Jan 31, 2013

Last Stop

Years flew like cyclones sweeping away everything in a blink of eye. Over the seasons the wait for the blossoms is still on . . . Today on my way home, the window side seat patted me the solitude of your absence in great. The passing wind rendered your fragrance and its touch, your presence. Hope you are doing fine wherever it is . . .
          “Oh! It started raining”; when others started shutting the window panes down to run away from the rain, I stretched my arms to the rain drops to embrace it passionately.
          The drops which kissed my face snatched my memories back to an evening which rained into me a new perspective of life. I was on my way towards my apartment which I hired recently. The spilling water turned face into a fine shower blended with lightning.
          By the time I stepped down, the rain had become heavy like p0uring more and more cans of water over me. The umbrella which I had couldn’t do any help in protecting me from getting wet. I Walked towards the next stop to catch the last bus to my apartment, it was 8 o’clock night and I could find myself alone in the bus stop.
          The clouds laughed at me with a flashy lightning which, I must say, shook me in fear. I didn’t remember how long I stood there waiting in that rain. People in the vehicles-passed-by, were staring at me throwing flirty comments. Though I stood like a statue turning face away from those nasty offers, there was building up a fear in the inner self of being a lady. The night seemed more dreadful in the darkness covering from around accompanied by heavy rain.
          Like one in the sequence, a car passing me slowed a bit and stopped ahead. I didn’t allow my eyes to follow it. Suddenly my cell phone ringed - my most favourite and most wanted tone. Yes! It is him; I picked the call and asked “Hey, how are you?”. “Let’s have the chat later, you get inside the car, I am just in front of you,” he said and disconnected.
          Looked ahead to see my favourite i10 and it was waiting for me hugging the rain. I managed to put my bags in the back seat and occupy the front seat. Got fully drenched, I felt a bit embarrassed to make the seat wet and stepping in with muddy shoes. As usual, my talk started with apology “Sorry dear, sorry to make your clean and tidy car a bit dirty “and grinned at him. “When will you put an end to these formalities yaar,” getting a little irritated at my statement, he drove the car through the lonely streets in the overwhelming rain. “Do you have a towel ?” saying that I looked like a frozen puppet. “Take it and wipe away the water”, he offered the towel.
          “How was the week? Seems a bit down, what happened? Is everything ok?”, my usual questionnaire and his usual answer “nothing, it ran a tight schedule today, may be the reason for the dullness J. You tell what else happened new?“
          “What new!! The same routine; will you be free this weekend?, atleast tomorrow?, I wish to take a break, let’s go for a movie”, I asked him looking at him, longing for only “yes”. “No yaar, I have to be at home, may be next time we go; You just stop thinking too much and relax, everything will be fine, OK?”. He patted on my cheek and smiled. Tears rolled down as I nodded my head.
          “Hey Sree, what happened, don’t start again,” he stopped the car and turned to me, “don’t tell, you don’t know why these tears for?” , he held my hand in his arms. “Mm,” I tried to put up a smile with a lot of struggle to release the words, but went in vain. He read my mind and gave accent to my words, “I know how much you love me and dreaming to have a life with me, but, Sree you know the situation na?.  My best friend, you know, I can’t offer you a life. I know it’s my mistake, knowing your love, I never discouraged you. Sree, please stop crying” Those words could do nothing but immense my pain.
          He moved near to me and held me closer to him; I wept resting my face on his shoulder for a while. His magical presence relieved me and we started again. He drove to my apartment holding my hand throughout the journey. We kept silent until we reached there.
          When he opened the door for me, and invited me to share the umbrella, I felt being treated like a princess. I took my bags and  accompanied him. He held me close to save me from the rain. I followed him like a kid not being able to snatch my eyes from him.
          “open the door Sree”, his voice woke me from the frantic world.
          He was coming to my apartment for first time. “Wait for a minute, I will be back after changing the dress; I won’t leave you without serving a tea”, telling this I turned towards my room. My T-shirt was soaked like I put it on just after dipping in water revealing the curves. He stopped me taking my arms, “No Sree, it is late, you just relax and take rest; next time will surely stay back to enjoy your courtesy, promise.”
          “When will this next time come?” my question came voluntarily. He smiled and kissed on my forehead with affection and said “next weekend”. With doubtful eyes I raised my face and his lips touched my nose. I closed my eyes and hugged him close to me. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my neck and our cheeks rubbed each other.
          My cold body not being an exemption to the law of thermodynamics was getting heated up. His lips reached mine and I enjoyed the sweetness of first kiss of my life. His lips found way to my chin, to my neck and then to wherever it could and I realized the pleasure of surrendering fully to the one whom I love , It was a different, never ending and never forgettable feeling.
          As he fell  deep asleep, I spent the rest of the night lying in his arms, looking at his innocent face.
          I woke up early in the morning and took a fresh bath. I loved the drops of water which showered over me unlike last night’s rain drops. “Good morning”, I woke him up with a kiss of all my affection on his forehead and served the tea. Thank God, he didn’t forget to smile. As he finished the tea, ”Get ready, it is 6 O’clock “, I guided him to the bathroom. He pulled me in. “No way dear, I just took my bath”, though the denial was soft, he released me taking the towel from me.
          We had breakfast together with his favorite dosa and chuttney. When we reached near the car, I could see plentiful of tender mango leaves lying on the courtyard in last night’s rain, The never grown and never flowered leaves which can never see a fruitful season but only embrace the unexpected end.
          I looked at his way even after his car moved away from sight.
          Friends came in the noon and it was a very busy time with them, but the glimpses of the rainy night didn’t leave me nor I could hide the brightness from my face. Settling all the rushes, I ringed him in the evening, it came switched off. I tried his number many a time in the night and the next day. Response doesn’t show any difference. I searched him on net, but found offline. I consoled myself that he may be busy at home. 
          But as days passed, I realized what was going on, But I refused to accept the fact till now and so I am alive. Every weekend, I wait on the same stop, looking forward to his way. Weekends passed, months passed, years passed, I could never find his way meeting me anywhere.
          This evening, again a weekend, I am on the way home. “It is your stop Ma’m “, conductor’s voice woke me up from the memories. I stepped down and started walking towards the bus stop. 

My bus came and this weekend is also going to be the same. Even after getting into the bus, I turned back to see whether his car is coming from the distant dark way. Isn’t it an i10 in the far, yes, it is. The bus started, “stop, I have to get down,” conductor and co-passengers stared at me saying that it is the last bus. But I got down there without surety and as the bus moved away from my sight, that car approached me... passed me... slowed ahead of me and stopped... In these years and now also did I ever asked myself, what am I waiting for “the last bus to take me home safely” or ironically “an overnight subjective love”. . . My footsteps started catching the way towards the red motor... Anticipating the return of the seasons...  Like these lonely streets and darkness around, will the rays of hope never hit the corridors of my life .....?

Jan 30, 2013

Can see clear in the darkness

Going on the way far… far…far..
Far from the intimates forever
Breaking the necessities of closeness
Waving the protected life a farewell

When the journey started …
I never knew where the destination is
I have been there for the appraisal
The patron of witty moments

They came into my life with desires
I offered them friendship
More than a friendship always
It routed to affection of the soul

I cared them as my family
I could never take me apart
The wishlist always brought me joy
But that was not the key to freedom


The “space” factor evolved inevitably
I didn’t know what space meant
It was delicate than a soap bubble
For it breaks all when constrained!!!

The space grew, the cracks widened
The followers fall into darkness…
I keep a candle burning for them
For they are the fuel for my life…

Jan 21, 2013

ചില്ലകള്‍ പൂക്കും നേരം...



നിന്‍ മൗനത്തിന്‍ സ്വരം... സോപാനരാഗം
എന്‍ കാതുകള്‍ക്കിമ്പമാം പുതിയ ഭൂപാളം...
 അലസമായ് പാറും  നിന്‍ ചുരുള്‍   മുടിയിഴകളില്‍ 
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